Do you ever find yourself at a
loss for words? Someone shoots a comment in your direction and you’d
love to retort. The only problem is, you have no idea how to reply with a
snappy comeback. Here's what you can do ...
Use “planned spontaneity”.
What exactly is “planned
spontaneity”? It's a term I coined and define as a response that is planned ahead and
delivered in such a way that it looks impromptu (and incredibly witty).
The beauty of this approach is
that it gives you time to think in advance what you want to say and
never be caught off guard and dumbfounded again. It removes the
frustration of looking back at a situation with regret because two weeks
too late you came up with the perfect response. It lowers stress and
increases confidence with your communications because you know you are
prepared to react to a situation should it arise. You might be asking,
“How do I prepare for planned spontaneity?” Here’s the answer...
STEP 1: identify the scenarios that most often catch you off guard.
Think about your communications over the past couple weeks, months or year. What circumstances left you regrettably speechless?
Whatever the situation that
left you wishing you had a witty and appropriate retort, if it’s
happening frequently enough that you can think of several occasions when it really hurt, it may be worth recognizing this
recurring pattern, the stress it evokes, and doing something about it. If you can’t see a pattern offhand, wait until next
time you find yourself wishing you had a snappy response and then ask yourself if you’ve experienced a
similar situation before. If the frequency and the discomfort is high
enough, it may serve you well to invest some time and energy in step 2,
below.
STEP 2: plan in advance what you’re going to say
In the quiet of your own time
and space, explore options of how you could present your viewpoint while
still being respectful. Brainstorm various responses with your end
result in mind. What could you say that would honor your true feelings,
represent you well and possibly help the other person for having heard it?
If you’re stumped and have no
idea how to construct a wonderfully witty retort, become a student of
human behavior and learn from others. Watch people in similar
situations; see how they respond. If it works for them, consider
adopting their approach. Watch TV and movie shows with an eye to
inspiration. If the characters find themselves in situations like you
do, how well does their response work? If it feels right and fits for
you, give it a shot. Talk to trusted friends or colleagues to brainstorm
constructive and productive ways to respond. At minimum, you’ll have a
laugh coming up with ideas and beginning with the most outlandish responses (you can then refine them to a professional, tuned down version that will preserve
your personal brand and professionalism).
Here are a couple examples...
In my world of professional
speaking and training, there are situations that occur quite often that I
used to squirm about. My original reaction was one of embarrassment or
being completely stumped, shocked and speechless. With time, I
identified a pattern and realized that these situations occurred with a
degree of frequency. So, instead of being caught by surprise, I use the
techniques above and prepared responses. Take a peek – perhaps you’ve
experienced these same situations or maybe the responses I use could work for you too.
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SITUATION:
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RESPONSE:
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You trip up on words during a presentation
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“Yup, that’s right
... I’m a communications expert”, OR “Just washed my mouth and can’t do
a thing with it” OR “Easy for me to say”
|
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A technology snafu
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“Technology is great ... when it works”, OR (when I was speaking at an IT conference) “Boy, am I in the right room to get help!”
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You stumble over a chord or take a misstep
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“Ladies, I’m a
professional – please don’t try this at home on your own” OR, “Can
anyone save me from myself?”, OR “Have you ever had one of those days?”
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What’s your most recent
situation where you found yourself tongue-tied and unable to come up
with a witty response? I’d love to hear ... and maybe even offer a
suggestion or two.
All the scenarios I've described above have
actually happened to me and these are the real responses I’ve used. They work -- I know that, because they've worked for me time and time again, and your planned responses will work for you too. If they don't at first, you can refine them until they do.
You
will have your own situations and come up with your own responses that
fit your audience and your style. A suggestion you may find useful, is
to poke fun at yourself with self-deprecating humor. Or, if it’s a common
situation that everyone has lived (like the technology failure),
mention it! Each person in the room will relate to your situation and
you – and that’s how you connect with others.
Give “planned spontaneity” a
shot, and you’ll find yourself less stressed, more confident, and able
to laugh at the situation instead of fretting about it. Everyone will
wonder how the heck you come up with amazingly witty, off-the-cuff
replies. I promise, I won’t tell ;o)
PS: Want more hands-on communication tips for the workplace? Join me for my THIRD THURSDAY monthly webinars http://www.marionspeaks.com/marions-products/webinars/webinar-singles
Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks
Are you planning a conference, employee gathering or management retreat
and looking for presenters? I'd love to submit a proposal for your
consideration. Please contact me Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
© 2012 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
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Communication catalyst, author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb
Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and
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