Marion's Communication Tips

• Keep your cool. If you lose your temper, you lose control and the bully wins. Step back if you need to, remove yourself for a moment, an hour, a day. Give yourself time before you respond.
• Remove the emotion. As tempting as it may be to name call or burst into tears, focus on the message not the emotion. Tighten your muscles and release, take a breath, and use neutral language.
• Let bullies know when they cross a line. It's completely OK to draw boundaries. In fact, many bullies will respect you when you do.
• Remain respectful. Even though you can't stand the behaviour, respect the position. Find something, anything about the bully, that you can respect and keep that in mind. Acknowledge the bully's contribution -- however small it may be.

• DREAM IN TECHNICOLOUR. If you had a magic wand, what type of relationship would you create with this difficult family member? This vision will guide your every action in communicating with the folks you can't escape (read: relatives). Before you press "send" on that email to your selfish niece, place that phone call to your bully brother who's pushed once too often, or tell that nasty client to go fax himself, think about the outcome you ideally would like to see. Your actions will do one of two things: push you toward OR away from your vision. Choose toward. 

• TAKE THE HIGH ROAD: Sadly, in family communications, we can be judged harshly by the very people who mean the most to us. They know how to push our buttons. No matter what we do, we feel it's deemed not good enough. The temptation to snipe back at prickly comments, whether from relatives or clients, is immense. Before you do, view your retorts through the lens of a stranger reading them. What would this person think about YOU? Leave the door open to possibilities with this relative or client, because life is long and nothing is permanent. You may have to swallow the words you throw out, so make sure they're not too sharp.

• LET GO: Get rid of the negative energy. Make room for the positive things that you want and deserve. The negative will only bring you down, suck you dry and get you off track. If you reach out an olive branch and it is met with hostility, let it go. Their actions speak more about them than they do you. You're still the same person, with all the same virtues and attributes as before they attacked you. The only thing is that now you're a little wiser.

• BE A VICTOR, NOT A VICTIM: Sometimes someone else will decide to let go of the relationship without your consultation or consent. Choose to view the positive of what you will gain versus what you will lose. Now you have more time, energy and resources for positive people and "right fit" clients.

I just watched a show about a 12-year old American boy losing his sight. He loved football and his last wish before his surgery to remove an eye tumour and his sight, was to watch a football game with his favourite team. He wanted to burn the memory of everything in his mind to last a lifetime. The team made his wish come true and had him promise to come back after his "operation". Six days later, he arrived, sightless. As he took in the game from the sidelines, he was interviewed and commented about how he heard the huge THUMPS of the competing teams. His response was pure inspiration. He said, in some ways, it was even better than seeing because he could hardly wait to hear what had happened. WOW! I learned from that. If he can see the positive in a time of such great loss, we can too. If you've lost a relative or a valued client, due to passing or due to his or her communication choice, I encourage you to think about what you have gained. I hope you too, like that young boy, can "hear", acknowledge and embrace the pluses the universe gives you as you redefine your relationships and move forward. Happy new year to you and yours ... emphasis on the "happy" because, just like your communications, happiness truly is a choice.