Marion's Communication Tips

Use “planned spontaneity”.

What exactly is “planned spontaneity”? It's a term I coined and define as a response that is planned ahead and delivered in such a way that it looks impromptu (and incredibly witty).

The beauty of this approach is that it gives you time to think in advance what you want to say and never be caught off guard and dumbfounded again. It removes the frustration of looking back at a situation with regret because two weeks too late you came up with the perfect response. It lowers stress and increases confidence with your communications because you know you are prepared to react to a situation should it arise. You might be asking, “How do I prepare for planned spontaneity?” Here’s the answer...

STEP 1: identify the scenarios that most often catch you off guard.

Think about your communications over the past couple weeks, months or year. What circumstances left you regrettably speechless?

Whatever the situation that left you wishing you had a witty and appropriate retort, if it’s happening frequently enough that you can think of several occasions when it really hurt, it may be worth recognizing this recurring pattern, the stress it evokes, and doing something about it. If you can’t see a pattern offhand, wait until next time you find yourself wishing you had a snappy response and then ask yourself if you’ve experienced a similar situation before. If the frequency and the discomfort is high enough, it may serve you well to invest some time and energy in step 2, below.

STEP 2: plan in advance what you’re going to say

In the quiet of your own time and space, explore options of how you could present your viewpoint while still being respectful. Brainstorm various responses with your end result in mind. What could you say that would honor your true feelings, represent you well and possibly help the other person for having heard it?

If you’re stumped and have no idea how to construct a wonderfully witty retort, become a student of human behavior and learn from others. Watch people in similar situations; see how they respond. If it works for them, consider adopting their approach. Watch TV and movie shows with an eye to inspiration. If the characters find themselves in situations like you do, how well does their response work? If it feels right and fits for you, give it a shot. Talk to trusted friends or colleagues to brainstorm constructive and productive ways to respond. At minimum, you’ll have  a laugh coming up with ideas and beginning with the most outlandish responses (you can then refine them to a professional, tuned down version that will preserve your personal brand and professionalism).

Here are a couple examples...

In my world of professional speaking and training, there are situations that occur quite often that I used to squirm about. My original reaction was one of embarrassment or being completely stumped, shocked and speechless. With time, I identified a pattern and realized that these situations occurred with a degree of frequency. So, instead of being caught by surprise, I use the techniques above and prepared responses. Take a peek – perhaps you’ve experienced these same situations or maybe the responses I use could work for you too.

All the scenarios I've described above have actually happened to me and these are the real responses I’ve used. They work -- I know that, because they've worked for me time and time again, and your planned responses will work for you too. If they don't at first, you can refine them until they do.

You will have your own situations and come up with your own responses that fit your audience and your style. A suggestion you may find useful, is to poke fun at yourself with self-deprecating humor. Or, if it’s a common situation that everyone has lived (like the technology failure), mention it! Each person in the room will relate to your situation and you – and that’s how you connect with others.

Give “planned spontaneity” a shot, and you’ll find yourself less stressed, more confident, and able to laugh at the situation instead of fretting about it. Everyone will wonder how the heck you come up with amazingly witty, off-the-cuff replies. I promise, I won’t tell ;o)

PS: Want more hands-on communication tips for the workplace? Join me for my THIRD THURSDAY monthly webinars http://www.marionspeaks.com/marions-products/webinars/webinar-singles

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  

Are you planning a conference, employee gathering or management retreat and looking for presenters? I'd love to submit a proposal for your consideration. Please contact me Marion@MarionSpeaks.com