Marion's Communication Tips

Calm Your Nervous Hands

Do you ever do presentations or speak up at meetings of some sort? Perhaps you're a volunteer or in the training field. Everyone has a reason to present his or her perspective at some point. When you do, are you aware what your body is doing? In particular, do you know if your hand movements are enhancing or detracting from your message?

Some time ago, I had a colleague contact me because he had a communication challenge: he was having difficulty doing presentations. Why? He found his hands were moving wildly as he spoke. In an effort to calm them down, he found himself clasping his hands in front of his body (rather tightly) for most of the presentation. Ah yes, the traditional "fig leaf" stance. Adam and Eve would be very proud of him. Unfortunately, his colleagues weren't.

When you're anxious about something, like presenting, for example, your body produces gushes of stress chemicals including cortisol and adrenalin. With those drugs coursing through your body, it's no wonder that you feel a jolt of energy -- and it has to come out somehow. Sometimes, it manifests itself as nervous twitches or fast paced speech. Sometimes, it's in the hands.

If you find that you're falling prey to this syndrome, here's some hands-on (pun intended) techniques that will help you tame your fidgety fingers. The trick is not to focus on simply stopping the behavior, rather, it is more productive to "replace" it. When you're breaking a habit of any sort, stopping it alone only creates a void, and that void hurts or is filled by something that may not serve you. Think smokers who stop cold turkey ... and then gain tons of weight. Instead, consciously decide on a productive replacement for the behavior you're curbing. Here's some suggestions.

REPLACE NERVOUS HANDS WITH DECISIVE GESTURES:

• incorporate more hand gestures into your presentations
• allow your hands time to just rest by your sides and let gravity do the work
• become aware of your hand gestures -- awareness is the first step to change
• take steps to become less stressed and nervous about presentations (e.g., prepare, practice, do more of them).

If you have the same challenge of not knowing what to do with your hands during presentations, try these tips. Soon your movements will look and feel so natural, your focus will be on your presentation instead of your hands and your effectiveness in communicating will be enhanced. Hands down.

Comments about this article? Go one and post them on my blog below. Share your viewpoint and get communicating!

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  

© 2011 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communication specialist, author, professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Chat with her at www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks and sign up for her FREE weekly "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Have you ever watched a foreign film and sometimes the subtitles don’t seem to quite match the action on the screen? It’s a little jarring, isn't it? The same thing can happen when we communicate face to face. The gestures you use can help underscore or undermine your message.

I recently saw a person smiling as they relayed to a colleague their deepest sympathies for the death of a loved one. Most likely that smile was from nerves and the person was completely unaware that they were even doing it. Regardless of the reason, it was oddly out of place and the result was mixed messaging and inappropriate communication. Boy, did it send the wrong impression! I remember thinking if that was someone talking to me after I’d lost a loved one, I would definitely not appreciate the grin. Mixed up gestures mean mixed up messaging.

A recent study at the University of Manchester found that the use of gestures increased the accuracy with which people recalled stories by as much as 35 per cent! This tells us that using gestures -- the right ones -- can certainly enhance your communications.

How are your actions? Are your gestures and facial expressions in synch with what you're saying and what you hope to communicate? Here's a few quick quiz questions that may help:

1. When you speak to someone on a sensitive or important issue, do you:
   • focus your eye contact on him or her ... OR ...
   • tend to look around and be easily distracted?
2. When a colleague is relaying an upsetting incident, do you:
   • furrow your brows (showing focus), squint your eyes a bit, lean in (showing interest) ... OR ...
   • show no facial expressions at all?
3. When you are interested in what someone has to say, do you:
   • actively listen (maintain eye contact, keep palms up, offer neutral facial gestures) ... OR ...
   • get pulled away by distractions like the phone, other people walking by, papers on your desk?
4. When you want to assert yourself, do you:
   • display great, straight posture ... OR ...
   • curl in your shoulders and tilt your chin downward?
5. When you are happy, do you:
   • smile so your cheeks rise and your eyes smile too ... OR ...
   • do you forget to tell your face and not smile at all?

Were most of your answers the first option? If so, good on you! If not, well, now you know. We all work on our body language and the first step is awareness. If you've ever wondered what your gestures look like and if they're consistent, try videotaping yourself. Wow, that's revealing.

Your challenge for today, should you chose to accept it: ensure that the gestures you use are consistent with your message. Show them your stuff by showing them what you mean... and make it consistent.

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  

© 2011 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communications expert, author, professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Chat with her at www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks or sign up for her FREE weekly e-newsletter "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Do you ever lose your cool? Ah, c'mon, honestly now. If you say, "no", you're fibbing. Everyone loses it, sometimes. It's normal. It's natural. And it can be a career stopper if you let it. Losing your cool alters not just the effectiveness of your communications --  it can alter your relationships forever. The key is controlling your temper, before it controls you.

This past Sunday night, I grabbed my cuppa tea and nestled into the couch for our weekly ritual -- watching "The Apprentice". I love observing the communication between all the players and find the drama of interpersonal dynamics fascinating. This week did not disappoint. At the top of the show, Nene, a rather brash and outspoken woman, went completely ballistic on Star Jones. What an scene! And she did it right in front of the client launching the challenge for the two competing teams. At that point, I had to wonder if the client wrote off Nene's team (Nene was Project Leader) because of her outburst. Have you ever been discounted or discounted someone else due to a temper tantrum?

In the workplace, the tension and stress levels can be quite similar to this scenario, though we might contain it with a little more class. Few people (thankfully) behave as bombastically as Nene did. That doesn't mean that we don't sometimes fantasize doing so. The challenge is, how to control your temper when you feel so frustrated you could scream? These tips will get you on your way:

• LISTEN TO YOUR BODY AND BREATHE: Be aware of the stress signals your body is sending you. Be in the moment and conscious of what's happening. Cortisone is coursing through your veins, your blood pressure is soaring, and chances are, you're holding your breath. The antidote? Breathe. Breathe mindfully and deeply. Feel the stress drain from your being. Your body will thank you, and it will help you gain back control.

• REMEMBER THE BIG PICTURE AND FIND SOMETHING YOU LIKE: When colleagues push your buttons, chances are they don't even realize they're doing so. Normally, there is no intent at all to drive you nuts (unless they're "bullies", and that's a whole other ball game). In the absence of anything proving otherwise, assume that your antagonist's actions are not deliberate. Think about your relationship with this person as a whole, and consider this action that is prompting your potential outburst as an isolated incident. Even if this person has pushed your buttons before, consider this incident, whatever it might be, as a small portion of the whole relationship. Remember the good parts, gain perspective.

• POLITELY EXCUSE YOURSELF AND REMOVE YOURSELF: If you can't contain yourself, remove yourself. You know when you're about to lose it, so read the signs and put yourself in a place where you can regain control. If that means taking a "time out", do it. If you don't know your limits and aren't sure when you're reaching your boiling point, educate yourself -- become a student of your own emotional barometer, and know the warning signs before you surrender to your outburst.

•  HOLD YOUR TEMPER NOT FOR THEM ... DO IT FOR YOU. No one wants to witness your temper tantrum, no matter how justifiable it may be in your mind. Such outbursts could distance you from other colleagues -- they may not want to be associated with someone known as "hot-headed". Your losing your cool may damage not only one relationship you have, but many. Put a lid on it, not just out of respect for the other person (whether they deserve it or not) -- do it out of respect for yourself, your relationships, and your career. Keeping your cool will best serve you.

•  REMEMBER, YOU CAN'T UNRING THE BELL. Once words are spoken, they cannot be taken back. They irrevocably change relationships. Even with apologies and explanations, the words still hang there in the air, often pushing people apart and nudging them further mired into their polar-opposite positions. When speaking in anger, people share the unvarnished secrets of their darkest hearts, without benefit of tact and diplomacy. It can be ugly and distasteful. The price for that fleeting moment of "feel good" may be a lifetime of regret. COMM TIP: Watch the words you spit out because one day, you may have to swallow them.

In the final analysis, losing your temper won't serve you well. It will destroy relationships and paint you as an unprofessional hot-head. Regardless of what you think of the other person, don't you deserve more? Hold your tongue, hold your relationships.

PS: I'd love to hear your thoughts about how holding your temper. Just post your comments below. 

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life!
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  

© 2011 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communications expert, author, professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve their businesses and their lives by improving their communications. Chat with her Facebook www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  or sign up for her FREE weekly e-newsletter "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Gut feeling, intuition, hunches. Whatever we call it, we all have feelings about people we meet. Part of the information we're taking in that leads to such conclusions is body language. Whether we realize it or not, we both read and speak it -- some of us better than others.

The old 7/38/55 rule from Dr. Albert Mehrabian is often quoted. In his studies of the 1960s, this UCLA professor deduced that in face-to-face communications, 7% of the message is conveyed through words, 38% through voice and 55% through body. In the 1970s, Australian researcher and author Allan Pease concluded that body accounted for up to a whopping 80%! Even though some more recent research suggests that these percentages may be more equally distributed, the fact remains that our bodies most definitely talk. In fact, at times, they downright scream.

Have you ever seen a certain gesture and felt, for sure, that you knew what it meant? You might be mistaken.

Although it's tempting to witness one action, gesture or reaction and use that one thing to conclusively interpret someone's meaning, it is misleading to do so. Non-verbal communication is best read when using what I call, the "4 Key Cs": 1) context; 2) culture; 3) clusters; and, 4) calibration.

• Context: Here's a news flash -- sometimes people cross their arms just because they're cold. It doesn't necessarily mean that they're closed to what you're saying. Work versus social environment also affects how we interact with others. Before you assess the body language, consider the context.
• Culture: Most countries represent a mix of ethnicities, backgrounds and cultures. Many of us celebrate that diversity. We are also exposed to it, due to work or private life, as we travel to other countries. A caution: gestures that are commonplace to us mean different things to others. For example, the A-OK sign in Japan is a symbol for coin money and in parts of Germany is an obscene gesture. Although eye contact is valued in mainstream North American culture, it is to be avoided in other cultures. Different cultures, different meanings.
• Clusters: As a rule of thumb, using clusters of three actions or gestures, versus just one, to suggest a certain meaning increases your chances of correctly interpreting the meaning. Reading non-verbal communications correctly requires us to refrain from stereotyping or drawing conclusions until we have enough evidence. And even at that, body language is just an indicator, simply one piece in the puzzle of understanding and reading each other correctly.
• Calibration: We all have certain physical actions and idiosyncrasies. Calibrating body signals against a certain individual allows for this fact. Perhaps someone is blinking all the time, not because they are speaking a mistruth or don't believe what you're saying - maybe they just have chronically itchy eyes. Gestures depend on the person.

Next time, before you draw conclusions from someone's actions, consider the 4 Cs of reading body language. When you do, chances are your gut feeling, intuition or hunch will be a more accurate one.

Until next time, here's to ...
Positive communication,
Productive relationships,
Powerful results!

Marion Grobb Finkelstein
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.comMarion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks 

 

© 2010 Marion Grobb Finkelstein

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communications expert, author, professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve their businesses and their lives by improving their communications. Chat with her Facebook www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks or sign up for her FREE weekly e-newsletter "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com.