Marion's Communication Tips

LESSON #1: Forget “the end justifies the means” when you're leading.

As a person, Steve Jobs had questionable tactics that have been brought to light in recent books and articles. It seems his focus on Apple was relentless and his family and many colleagues paid the price of his Machiavellian approach where, in his mind, the end justified the means and human toll. Some people suggest that this is an effective type of leadership. I disagree. Although it may have yielded results for Jobs from a corporate viewpoint, I’m unaware of any gravestone that reads, “He got corporate results”. No ma’am. Gravestones talk about people, their human qualities and kindnesses. Steve Jobs will forever be remembered as someone who crushed other people in his climb to the top. I bet his gravestone doesn’t mention anything about that. Nope, communicating like that does not a leader make, at least not in my opinion.

LESSON #2: A presentation that looks effortless is most often the result of deliberate practice.

In his recent book, “The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs: How to Be Insanely Great in Front of Any Audience”, Carmine Gallo studies and shares the techniques that Jobs used to prepare and deliver his legendary presentations. In his decades of stage time, his keynotes engaged the legions of Apple fans and beyond. Here are a few things Jobs would do to prepare. You can do them too:

1. Rehearse. Rehearse is more than "practice" -- it means practicing in front of others. Gallo reveals that Jobs’s seeming effortless speeches were the result of obsessive rehearsal. Some of his five-minute presentations took  hundreds of hours of practice. If you’re preparing a presentation, don’t just practice it by yourself, in front of a mirror or before your pet dog or cat. Deliver a dry run in front of a supportive group of employees, colleagues or peers.
2. Incorporate feedback. In addition to getting over some nerves of speaking in front of people, rehearsing in front of live people is a wonderful opportunity for you to ask for and receive feedback. Allowing for anonymous feedback will earn you the most honest, and sometimes brutal, responses. You won’t agree with all of them, so throw away what you don’t want and use the rest. I suggest using “the rule of three”. If you hear a similar comment from three independent sources, it’s probably worth implementing.
3. Record yourself. If you're like most people, you’re probably reticent to audio or video record your presentation or speech. “I can’t stand the sound of my voice”, “I hate seeing myself on video”, “It makes me nervous to be recorded”, are all excuses I’ve heard from clients wanting to improve their presentation skills. Get over it. What you will learn by recording yourself, will far outweigh the awkwardness you may feel. You will be able to note your body language, word “fillers”, and speech patterns that may not be serving you well. Recording yourself is probably that #1 way to fast-track improvement in how you present. This being said, its true value is only found if you review your recording with an eye and ear to ameliorating versus judging. It’s a tool meant to serve you, not break you down.

Steve Jobs may be gone but his lessons live on. You can learn both from what he did right as a presenter, and perhaps even more so, by what he did wrong as a leader -- and communication was a big part of both.

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  

PS: Are you planning a conference, employee gathering or management retreat and looking for presenters? I'd love to submit a proposal for your consideration. Please contact me Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

When was the last time you gave feedback? You likely have lots of occasions for you to do so. It could be during employee performance appraisals. Or perhaps your boss is asking for your input on a project or concept? Maybe your client is requesting your decision on several creative concepts and wants your input to proceed. All these scenarios require your response ... and feedback.

When feedback is good, it's easy to give, though many people don't bother. When you get great support from your boss, or when a colleague or client bends over backward to get you something your requested by a tight deadline, do you offer feedback? Do you take a moment to acknowledge the effort and expertise?

Are people forgetting to give feedback?

I've noticed a disturbing trend and I'm wondering if you've noticed it too. When you do something above and beyond, do you hear back from the lucky recipient? Do you get feedback? If not, it could be just because the person doesn't realize how important it is to do so. What is looks like is complete disinterest. Providing feedback and response shows you're engaged.

Because this behavior of "no response, no feedback" is not unique to that particular client, I wonder if people are forgetting the importance of giving feedback. Or maybe it's not so much feedback as professional courtesies. Have you noticed that too?

If you've found yourself stumped on how to give feedback, here's two keys that may unlock the mystery for you.

Take a tip from the President of Toastmasters International about giving feedback

Are you a Toastmaster or have you ever heard of Toastmasters? If so, you may be familiar with the name "Chris Ford". Chris was the 2007-08 President of Toastmaster International. I'm fortunate to know Chris on several levels. He's a colleague, founding member of my Toastmasters Club, and I'm privileged to call him my friend. (PS: I also know him as someone who makes a killer martini ;o)

A number of years ago, Chris gave us a tip at our Toastmasters meeting that I've never forgotten. He was talking about giving feedback and evaluations of speeches, a regular practice at Toastmasters meetings. The principles apply to any instance where you're providing feedback. He said there are two keys to giving feedback, and these are:

1. Let the person know what they can do to improve
2. Leave them feeling better for having heard it.

PS: have some feedback about this article? Feel free to post it below.

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  

Are you planning a conference, employee gathering or management retreat and looking for presenters? I'd love to submit a proposal for your consideration. Please contact me Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

Happy Leap Year! Tomorrow you get a precious extra day in the year. A whole 24 hours to do with as you please.

How are you going to use that extra time to change how you communicate?

What aspect of your communications would you like to hone? What's really getting under your skin - not about how others communicate, but rather, about how YOU communicate? What is it about your own communication that you would like to change? Think about it this way ...

What is it about your communication that is not serving you well?

Maybe you're not getting the results you want. Maybe people aren't responding the way you'd like them to.  Unfortunately, "those people" aren't changing any time soon. There's only one person you can change, and that's you. The magic happens when you change, others change how they respond, and the whole communication dynamic between you changes.  Tomorrow you have a whole extra day to change your dance steps, how you communicate and by extension, your relationship with others.

What's going to be your Leap Year resolution?

What is it about your communication that you're going to dedicate tomorrow to changing, practicing, honing? Tomorrow, you get an extra day, a freebie, a bonus. It's in your hands to decide the difference a day makes.

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  

Planning a conference, employee gathering or management retreat and looking for presenters? I'd love to submit a proposal for your consideration. Please contact me Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

© 2012 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communication catalyst, author, and professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Get weekly hands-on tips by signing up for "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Sometimes communications can be scary. Maybe a certain person intimidates you. Or perhaps you've been asked to talk on a subject you know little about. Or you have zero time to prepare. Whatever the reason, there are moments we all experience hesitation before we speak. If there’s a call you need to make, or someone you want to connect with but feel frightened to do so, here’s a tip gleaned from a chapter, “Facing the Chicken Within” penned by me and my sister, Joan Grobb Augustino, fellow author, trainer and professional speaker (www.coreperformancegroup.com)

• Push to peak performance: When we’re frightened, we get that little jolt of adrenaline. Channel that energy to your performance -- don't waste it on nerves. Let F-E-A-R stand for “face, embrace and replace” fear with action. Pick up that phone and call who you need to call. Use that adrenalin to add energy to your voice and move yourself to action.

Fear doesn’t need to hold you back. In fact, if you listen to your chicken within, it can push you ahead and point you to areas of great growth. So get out there, and start communicating with pluck!

Begin small. Think of one tiny communication challenge you are afraid of doing and what a difference it would make in your life. Imagine if you spoke with authority, communicated assertively, developed instant rapport with others. Whatever communication goal you have, take a small step in that direction. Make it tiny and not time-consuming so you will be sure to do it. Return that phone call you've been ignoring. Go for coffee and nuture informal communications. Try saying a couple words in a new language ... in front of people. Make it bite-size, make it real, make it yours. Face, embrace and replace fear, with action. Even if that action begins as a small one.

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  

Are you planning a conference, employee gathering or management retreat and looking for presenters? I'd love to submit a proposal for your consideration. Please contact me Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

You show what you value by how you spend your resources, and your most valuable of resources is time.

How you spend your time, and who you spend it on, communicates volumes.

When you reach out to someone else, the results can be remarkable. It's great fun to connect with someone you love being with, someone who makes you laugh and makes you feel valued and alive. You enjoy working with him or her, so you tend to reach out more than to someone who's tough to work with. It's difficult to reach out to those who are prickly. Chances are you work with a few of those people (admit it - you thought of someone in particular, didn't you?). Or even more trying, perhaps you're related to one.

I was traveling recently and seated at a table with a fellow I considered to be a bit of a know-it-all. He regaled us with demonstrations of his acerbic wit. He engaged in conversations without acknowledging the validity of others' viewpoints. In short, he was a conversation bully. My inclination was to shoot back, to argue with him, to dislike him, his opinions, and what I believed he stood for.

Instead, what I did was reach out to connect.

How, you ask? With a technique I've found to be exceptionally effective. I've used it at meetings, with clients, and in my personal life, and I invite you to use it the next time you encounter someone who you find difficult. This technique requires practice and discipline, and it works.

If you have a certain someone in mind, someone with whom you don't quite see eye to eye, picture them right now and do this exercise. When you see him or her next time, do this exercise again, in person.

Use the "camera technique" to gain perspective.

Look at him or her objectively. Picture yourself as a camera person or a talk show host simply watching them communicate and observing the dynamics between all the parties. Focus on the process, how he or she is speaking, what gestures he or she is using. Find something, anything, no matter how small, that you find amusing or admirable. You might have to dig. Focus hard. Let that amusement fill your being and curl the corners of your lips. You genuinely admire and like that aspect of this person.

We're all package deals, collections of experiences and attitudes. Find something in the package of that person you authentically enjoy. Perhaps it's his or her vast knowledge (although this type of person may not know everything, he or she does know something. Admire that something). Or maybe it's the way they are able to respond so quickly (albeit with inappropriate response -- it's the speed and wit you appreciate). Perhaps you've noticed how they have an ability to bite their tongue when others would blurt out a response (though you'd love if they actually spoke up every now and then).

Identify something you authentically admire.

Building on that positive point, no matter how small, picture that positive feeling welling up inside you to the point of overflow. Pick whatever color this feeling is to you, then imagine yourself being empty and filling with this color as it completely fills and envelopes you. This color is so large it begins to reach out with a long rubbery arm to embrace the person of your attention. Wrap him or her in this blanket of color, let it wash over and surround him or her. Focus on something positive about this person, and let the feeling flow.

Energy is a fact of science. You emit and receive energies of various types, both positive and negative. You likely use expressions involving energy, such as, "we're on the same wavelength", "he gives me good vibes", or "she's really tuned in to the issues". Your energy is your resource. You can choose to channel and use it to connect with others.

When you're in your workplace or dealing with clients (or even family members), you'll have plenty of opportunity to put this technique to practice. It has helped turn many what-could-be irritating people into somewhat amusing characters. This exercise will help you connect with 99% of people ... even with the nasties you may work with, serve or be related to. Go ahead and color your world.

PS: Want 9 easy to use strategies to raise your profile in the workplace? They add value, so your boss will love them too! Check out the info below ...

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  

© 2012 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communication specialist, author, professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve morale, confidence and productivity by changing how they communicate. Chat with her at www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks and sign up for her FREE weekly "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Asking for help is tough, isn't it? You may fear appearing incompetent. You don't want people to think you were a big fake and don't know something they figure you should (PS: you're not a fake at all - no one knows everything). We keep on telling yourself, "everyone else seems to cope, why can't I?". Well, here's a light-bulb moment ... people who ask for help often get it. Those who don't, suffer silently (or worse yet, not so silently).

Here's some tips on how you can ask for help effectively next time you feel you need it. Give them a try.

TIPS ON ASKING FOR HELP:

• DON'T WHINE. No one wants to hear the "oh poor me" story.
  • Present the details factually. Remove the emotion -- that doesn't mean remove the "human impact". By all means, include that, as it's a vital part of the business case. Avoid being emotional yourself when you describe it.
• MAKE THEM LOOK GOOD. Tell these people what's in it for THEM if they help you.
  • When you present to decision-makers, think about the outcome of what you're suggesting, and link it to how this outcome will make them look good. Once they have a vested interested, bingo -- you've got them hooked. Now they're listening.
• MAKE IT A TRIAL. When you're asking for a commitment, make it bite-size. It's easier for someone to commit to a short-term, low-investment idea. It lowers their risk factor and feels more comfortable.
  • This really works. Some time ago, I had a boss who refused to approve me hiring an administrative assistant. My team and I were being pulled away from core duties and drowning in all the administrative burden. My several requests to hire help fell upon deaf ears. Finally, a colleague suggested to me to hire a "term". The idea of a 6-month commitment was way easier to sell and the very first time I pitched this idea, my boss approved it. After the six months, it became obvious that the admin help was priceless (as every great admin person knows) and what began as a temporary fix became a permanent solution. Asking for a smaller commitment was instrumental in getting what we needed.
• BE BLATANT. Subtlety is wasted on most people. Know exactly what you need and ask for it.
  • One weekend a friend called saying that she was bringing over a few rented movies. She mentioned in passing that it was the last night of her high school's year-end play. After dinner, I asked if she wanted to watch the movie and she again, casually mentioned the play. Upon prodding, poking and probing on my part (eeks, too much work!), I managed to extract from her that she had really wanted to see that play. Unfortunately, it was too late in the night, the play was already started and it was too late for her to speak up. Her hedging around the bush and using indirect communications resulted in frustration and disappointment on both our parts.

You deserve to have your needs heard and met and the first step to that, is giving them a voice.

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life,
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
COMMUNICATION CATALYST
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks