Marion's Communication Tips

Do you ever lose your cool? Ah, c'mon, honestly now. If you say, "no", you're fibbing. Everyone loses it, sometimes. It's normal. It's natural. And it can be a career stopper if you let it. Losing your cool alters not just the effectiveness of your communications --  it can alter your relationships forever. The key is controlling your temper, before it controls you.

This past Sunday night, I grabbed my cuppa tea and nestled into the couch for our weekly ritual -- watching "The Apprentice". I love observing the communication between all the players and find the drama of interpersonal dynamics fascinating. This week did not disappoint. At the top of the show, Nene, a rather brash and outspoken woman, went completely ballistic on Star Jones. What an scene! And she did it right in front of the client launching the challenge for the two competing teams. At that point, I had to wonder if the client wrote off Nene's team (Nene was Project Leader) because of her outburst. Have you ever been discounted or discounted someone else due to a temper tantrum?

In the workplace, the tension and stress levels can be quite similar to this scenario, though we might contain it with a little more class. Few people (thankfully) behave as bombastically as Nene did. That doesn't mean that we don't sometimes fantasize doing so. The challenge is, how to control your temper when you feel so frustrated you could scream? These tips will get you on your way:

• LISTEN TO YOUR BODY AND BREATHE: Be aware of the stress signals your body is sending you. Be in the moment and conscious of what's happening. Cortisone is coursing through your veins, your blood pressure is soaring, and chances are, you're holding your breath. The antidote? Breathe. Breathe mindfully and deeply. Feel the stress drain from your being. Your body will thank you, and it will help you gain back control.

• REMEMBER THE BIG PICTURE AND FIND SOMETHING YOU LIKE: When colleagues push your buttons, chances are they don't even realize they're doing so. Normally, there is no intent at all to drive you nuts (unless they're "bullies", and that's a whole other ball game). In the absence of anything proving otherwise, assume that your antagonist's actions are not deliberate. Think about your relationship with this person as a whole, and consider this action that is prompting your potential outburst as an isolated incident. Even if this person has pushed your buttons before, consider this incident, whatever it might be, as a small portion of the whole relationship. Remember the good parts, gain perspective.

• POLITELY EXCUSE YOURSELF AND REMOVE YOURSELF: If you can't contain yourself, remove yourself. You know when you're about to lose it, so read the signs and put yourself in a place where you can regain control. If that means taking a "time out", do it. If you don't know your limits and aren't sure when you're reaching your boiling point, educate yourself -- become a student of your own emotional barometer, and know the warning signs before you surrender to your outburst.

•  HOLD YOUR TEMPER NOT FOR THEM ... DO IT FOR YOU. No one wants to witness your temper tantrum, no matter how justifiable it may be in your mind. Such outbursts could distance you from other colleagues -- they may not want to be associated with someone known as "hot-headed". Your losing your cool may damage not only one relationship you have, but many. Put a lid on it, not just out of respect for the other person (whether they deserve it or not) -- do it out of respect for yourself, your relationships, and your career. Keeping your cool will best serve you.

•  REMEMBER, YOU CAN'T UNRING THE BELL. Once words are spoken, they cannot be taken back. They irrevocably change relationships. Even with apologies and explanations, the words still hang there in the air, often pushing people apart and nudging them further mired into their polar-opposite positions. When speaking in anger, people share the unvarnished secrets of their darkest hearts, without benefit of tact and diplomacy. It can be ugly and distasteful. The price for that fleeting moment of "feel good" may be a lifetime of regret. COMM TIP: Watch the words you spit out because one day, you may have to swallow them.

In the final analysis, losing your temper won't serve you well. It will destroy relationships and paint you as an unprofessional hot-head. Regardless of what you think of the other person, don't you deserve more? Hold your tongue, hold your relationships.

PS: I'd love to hear your thoughts about how holding your temper. Just post your comments below. 

Until next time, here's to ...
Better communication, Better business, Better life!
Marion Grobb Finkelstein
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com
www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  

© 2011 Marion Grobb Finkelstein
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communications expert, author, professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve their businesses and their lives by improving their communications. Chat with her Facebook www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  or sign up for her FREE weekly e-newsletter "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com

Have you ever had one of those days when you just feel lousy? You're exhausted, tired and a little under the weather. I've felt a little like that for the past couple days, battling a summer cold. No fun. This was a weekend of heavy socializing and entertaining -- people sleeping over, movies, couples for dinner, fireplaces with smores, manicures, homebaked bread and cookies, loads of laundry and oh yes, completing reports and getting back to some colleagues. Even though we're slowed down doesn't mean life is. The world keeps turning and it's tough to keep up. At these times, it's even more tough to communicate productively.

DELEGATE: Speak to yourself honestly and determine what you personally need to do, and what someone else could do instead -- and delegate the latter. This means the fun stuff too. Get it off your plate and now. In the workplace, this might mean asking a colleague to fill in a chart with the data you need, or an employee to call someone on your behalf, or your boss to recommend the next step in a project. Delegate whatever you can to keep the project moving forward.

STREAMLINE AND SIMPLIFY: Cut out the items and actions that are not absolutely necessary at this time. Move into "triage mode". Identify the mission-critical actions and drop the others by the wayside. Maybe you forget the spiffy animation wows in your presentation, but you get it done. Or instead of referencing 5 studies in your business case, you refer to only three. Or you delay a response a couple days to buy yourself some time when until you're feeling better. Communicate this short-term approach to your team, especially if it flies in the face of normal procedure.

BITE YOUR TONGUE: When we're not feeling well, we all have a shorter fuse. We can snap more readily at others, even those who are helping us. Don't do it! Recognize what's happening, that your nerves are frayed, that your tolerance is negligible. Remind yourself that these people you find irritating right now are the very people who are there to support you and are doing their best. These are the people who will be there for you when you're back in the saddle and feeling 100%. Bite your tongue and don't burn bridges or say things you'll regret. Just because you feel poorly is no excuse to treat people poorly.

IT'S OK TO BE HUMAN: We preserve our relationships by knowing our limits and cutting ourselves some slack. Admit to yourself that it's OK to be human and let people know when you're not feeling 100%. A couple days is not going to end the world. It's alright to say you don't feel great and can't deal with the challenges you normally waltz through and welcome. Let them know why you're not performing per your norm and when they can expect you to be back to your regular, producing self.  

While we may be able to juggle many things at the best of times, illness can affect our productivity, humble us to our knees, and change the way we communicate. When we're sick is the time we need to take care of ourselves in order to take care of our communications. 

Find solace in knowing that you'll likely be feeling better soon and that you'll soon return to the workplace with your normal vim and vigor. Until then, if you're not feeling 100%, try using these tips above to ensure that your communications remain 100% in tact. Until then, take two minutes to plan your strategy, and call it a new start in the morning.  

PS:  Hey, join us on my FB biz page at www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks  See you on the web!

Until next time, here's to ...
Positive communication,
Productive relationships,
Powerful results!

Marion Grobb Finkelstein
Keynote Speaker / Corporate Trainer / Author
www.MarionSpeaks.com
Marion@MarionSpeaks.com

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© 2010 Marion Grobb Finkelstein

 

 

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete tagline with it: Communications expert, author, professional speaker Marion Grobb Finkelstein teaches individuals and organizations across Canada and beyond, how to improve their businesses and their lives by improving their communications. Chat with her Facebook www.facebook.com/MarionSpeaks or sign up for her FREE weekly e-newsletter "Marion's Communication Tips" at www.MarionSpeaks.com.